this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
