My underwear smells like fireworks.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize