And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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