o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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