Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
