Can i not drive my cunt home
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
