Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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