pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
