i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
