things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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