So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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