I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
