i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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