I want to walk on stilts...naked
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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