If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
