Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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