I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
