He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
