Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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