Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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