so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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