We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
