Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
