It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm bleeding and have questions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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