So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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