i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
