forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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