Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
