you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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