this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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