I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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