I want to walk on stilts...naked
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
