He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
