somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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