I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there was a trapeze. enough said
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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