just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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