Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm getting married
To pizza
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
