I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize