when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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