Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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