i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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