You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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