I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
