absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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