Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize