Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
