Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
