You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
