You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
