Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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