So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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