Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just had sex bonerless
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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