I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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