There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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