Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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