We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
