sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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