Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
