he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize