low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
