I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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