Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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