Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
