She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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