The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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