How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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