But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
