my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
