All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just had sex bonerless
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
