our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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