Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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