i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
