so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
