I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
do herpes really smell.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
