she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
