ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
