I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
