Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
