I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
