i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
