does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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