What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
