so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
