how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize