Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
