Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
