I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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