I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
