My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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