You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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