Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
