he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
