As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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