she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
