I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
