i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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