My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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