Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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