Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
