Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
