Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
