He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
