a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
